You Asked, Neil Answered!
The Wondercade Halloween Helpline
Hi, it’s Neil. I think. I mean, I look like me, I woke up this morning and felt like me…but these last 8 or 9 days have been blurry, peculiar. The thoughts running through my mind seem both organic and somehow manufactured. Not sure if that makes sense. Not sure what makes…the entire staff is back as if nothing happened. When I ask anyone where they went, I just get blank stares in return. Along with hollow smiles. Huh. Maybe it’s just me…maybe I’m just tired. Yeah that’s probably it. So let’s get back to business as usual.
As is tradition around here this time of year, I like to field your questions on all things Halloween. We asked you to send in your costume queries, your party-planning pleas and your candy conundrums, and hordes of you did just that. Here are a few of my favorites:
What’s the best candy to hand out for trick-or-treating?
—Hannah B.
NPH: Depends on your audience, Hannah. Chocolate lovers? Classic Hershey’s products. Fruit lovers? Starburst. Me? Reese’s, Reese’s and more Reese’s. Here’s the problem, though — while trick-or-treaters’ costumes are apparent (unless they’re dressed as the Invisible Man), their sweets preferences aren’t. So best to cover all your bases: something to lick, something to chew, something borrowed, something blue. Okay maybe not those last two. But seriously, just get a bag of Blow Pops, one of Hershey’s mixed miniatures, another of Mars minis (save the Twixes for me) and a metric ton of Reese’s, and you’re covered.
Oh and one final note: Do not, under any circumstances, give out those small boxes of raisins. I don’t care if you’re a dentist, a diabetic or a D.C. lobbyist working for the Raisin Council. Raisins are not “nature’s candy” — nature does not make candy! Candy is the product of good ol’ human engineering! Science FTW! If you hand those out you’re asking to have your house egged or toilet papered. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Hey Neil! Any tips for throwing a Halloween party for a corporate company?
—Yulya K.
NPH: Body Jell-O shots. Kidding, kidding! (Full disclosure: I wasn’t kidding at first, but my colleagues in the Wondercade HR department advised me that office Jell-O shots are a no-no. And that any kind of body anything is an immediate fireable offense.) So here’s my advice: Bring in a bunch of candy and Halloween-themed sweets (cupcakes decorated with spider, cat or eyeball designs, pumpkin-shaped cookies, that sort of thing…), serve this amazing Death & Co Zombie Punch we featured in Wondercade three years ago, queue up a spooky playlist, and encourage people to go all out with SFW costumes. Nothing skimpy or profane! And give everyone ample time during the workday to get ready. Wait, your company doesn’t offer Halloween Preparation Leave? I’m sorry. Do better, Corporate America!
Neil, what do you expect will be the top couples costumes this Halloween? We had Barbie and Ken last year, what’s fun for this year?
—Hannah B. [Neil Note: This is the same Hannah B. who asked about the best candy for trick-or-treaters.]
NPH: Hannah B.! Two emails, two great questions. You’re two much. Let me help two you sort out costwo costumes for twosomes…
Harris (Kamala, not Neil Patrick) and Trump. (Too political?) Taylor and Travis. (Too cute?) Deadpool and Wolverine. (Too much spandex? Trick question! There’s no such thing.) When in doubt, go with a timeless duo…Lucy and Desi. Batman and Robin. John Lennon and Paul McCartney — or swap out Paul for Yoko (John did in real life!). Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett. Your dentist and their assistant…
Hi Neil. Is a “sexy nurse” costume appropriate for Halloween?
—Samantha, Brooklyn
NPH: Hi Samantha. I’m not a doctor but I played one on TV, so I am well equipped (yeah, I am) to answer this one. To the office? No. (See my answer to Yulya’s question above.) To a party where kids are present? No. To a party at a nightclub? Yes. To a party in your bedroom with just your paramour(s)? Hell yes! And not just on Halloween, either.
Hey Neil! I need suggestions for gay Halloween costumes! Last year I did a drag Paris Hilton and I’m looking for something equally as iconic! Thanks!
—Louie T.
NPH: Hi Louie. I’ve got you, boo. Drag Tanya from The White Lotus. Drag Doja Cat. Drag Moo Deng. A drag crossing guard named Miss Direction. A drag witch who hands out incantations riddled with typos named Miss Spell. A drag clairvoyant — with a crystal ball and tarot cards — named Miss Fortune. And for the drag kings in the crowd, Drag Me. And don’t forget to send a photo! I’m at nph@wondercade.com.
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