You may have heard of a new show David and I co-created…a little 10-episode Hulu series called Drag Me to Dinner. As the name implies, it stars 40 of the nation’s top drag queens in a fabulous faux cooking-competition show. One of those queens, Willam, is here to dispense some pointers on channeling your inner drag queen. Her advice on “tucking” was so fun — yet so adult — that we put it here, behind a click (meaning you had to opt into reading it). Read on for her tips…or lack thereof, in this case. NOTE: For medical context and more details, you might consider this article from Healthline. —NPH

---

Hi everyone, I’m Willam. You don’t necessarily need to tuck. But if you’d like to tuck, here’s how: you take your balls and put them up in the cavity in your body where they would go if it was cold and you’re about to nut? Go straight up in there.

Then take the empty sack and you wrap it around your dick. Then pull it all back, sort of like a meat taco that you’re flattening out between your legs. Then take some tape to where your pubes would be — if you have pubes, you need to shave them, because trying to tape into hair is like trying to get peanut butter out of carpet…you can’t do it, so you have to sheer down a little bit. You don’t have to shave with a razor, but you should like, buzz things with clippers. And then you tape from the top of your crotch up to where your butt crack stops. And then you can charge anywhere from 50 to 100 dollars for a blowjob afterwards for an inconvenience fee. 

If you don’t want to use tape, you can do what we call the Monster Mash. You do the same thing, where you shove your balls up where they go when it’s cold, and then pull your dick back and voilà! You have a Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs-kind of guy. Then you put on a gaff, which is a tight thong or panty that holds your shit in place. You can make that out of old panty hose or a thong.

Thanks, this was a tuck load of fun.